paisleypiper's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- good enough I'm venturing into some sort of therapy to help me deal with uncertainty. At work, there is loads of uncertainty. And within me, again, loads of uncertainty. I feel ambivalent about counseling -- I suppose it's different than therapy -- this is a new arena so I don't really know. I guess I still don't understand how to make and measure progress. Life is an uncertain enterprise and I would like to embrace it again with some flare and charm and not slouch away with anxiety or depression. I leave from work for this session in 24 minutes and I can't figure out how to prepare. I like to prepare for things that cost money -- counseling, school, etc. On another front I find it so amazing how quickly life can reshuffle. Just when I think I know the forces at play around me I look again and they've altered or changed. That seemed to happen to me today -- I took another look and felt insufficient in the face of everything that people seem to have the luxury to do and the velocity with which their minds work to point out problems with a statement. I think I need to stop working in higher education with faculty members. They cannot always help themselves from making observations and constructive comments. And in turn I cannot always help myself from feeling insufficient. Time off is near! I have a wonderful photography project planned and lots of organizing to do around the house. My mother has set forth a slate of holiday activities and has begun calling her neighborhood the "nabe." Deep breath. Sometimes it is so wonderful to just go with the flow and get lost in the champagne moment of it all. To just not think or analyze it. That's another hope for the holidays. 4:02 p.m. - 2006-12-19 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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