paisleypiper's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- rain Rain. Finally it rained -- eight inches in a three days. The clouds, silvery and thick, stacked in the sky and completely blocked the sun. I found it refreshing for the mind and spirit also. But now the sun has returned and it seems like the rain will be forgotten, insufficient, unimportant. Life is weird like that. I notice how people, myself included, hope for something for a long time and then it is over. At the same time, so what, it rained. It should have rained ages ago. Big deal. It reminds me of capitalism and the tendancies of demand and supply. Our fickle market. On the news, the newscasters work to describe the stockmarket and the weather, one imitating the other. Art and reality? I guess I don't feel passionate enough about the stockmarket to think of the art. But plenty of people do. To me, the stockmarket is more like the weather was before doplar radar and all of the high-tech tricks of the trade. Tomorrow I find out whether I get a big award or not. It really is an honor to be nominated, and I am thrilled with the nomination, but at the same time, I think I could handle getting an award. I've been struggling so much lately and I want to feel good about my life but the truth is I don't. There is no spark in life for me anymore. I try to kindle a little spark because I know that my experience, ultimately, is about attitude. But I fake it and have been faking it. I keep hoping that if I keep faking it somehow this art will become reality. Or my market will change and everything will be coming up roses. Or. 6:16 p.m. - 2003-09-03 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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