paisleypiper's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- rediscovery I went to Arizona for a visit to the other side of my family. And I survived. Barely. They were on their best behavior. My grandmother struggles with lung cancer, has only � of one lung and still sees beauty in the world. Still lives for gorgeous music, art, literature � she thinks of these as the finest qualities in life and can sit back in an easy chair and listen for hours to music. She taught me that. Sometimes when I think I cannot go on, I read a good book or poem, and then, I find myself outside of myself, and I have lasted a bit longer. Or, sometimes I listen to some big powerful piece of classical music, or other types of music (so long as it is powerful). And in the sounds I find this rejuvenation that perhaps others have from prayer. I think I love the contact with how beautiful people can be � what beauty they can create in the world. I am accustomed to knowing I learn from my mistakes because there is pain involved. But I wonder what I learn from powerful pieces of music � watching people perform, connecting with that talent, that energy. That is what my grandmother does right now. That, and she has a multicultural attack on her cancer. She imagines big tanks rolling in and firing, then a bunch of knights in armor fight it, then Native American braves ride in on ponies and attack it with hatchets. She told me � how gory I�m becoming in my old age, how aggressive. And once again, the doctors think she is a miracle. So, that part of my trip is the part I remember. The rest I do not have the energy to contemplate. Already, my grandmother has sent me a letter to tell me how much my visit meant to her. Folded into the letter is a list of meditations that she uses to think about. I read them to Quinn, who replied, I want to live in her world. The more I think about it, hers is a world that we do not have any longer. Hers is the Modernist world and for all of the problems with Modernism, we have lost something in our contemporary culture. I hope that we do not take a lesson from fashion� but like fashion �. Maybe next we can take what we�ve learned about the world, all of our openness and increased appreciation of diversity and rediscover some of the inspiration we�ve lost. 9:05 p.m. - 2003-04-18 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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