Contents, or, Having Some Fun with the Victorian Legacy

Introduction

This work is greatly influenced by the satire on hypocrisy, Augustus Carp, ESQ.: Being the Autobiography of a Really Good Man by "Himself," which begins: "No apology for writing this book. An imperative duty under present conditions." (Himself V)

Chapter I

Apology for being so vain and so bold as to write this book. Description of the family tree, my parents and other significant family members. A description of the joys of my birth on the fourth of July, and the fireworks and celebrations long into the night. The vicissitudes of my infancy and an evaluation of the early years as a window of opportunity for healthy brain exploration. Varieties of allergy. Life in Long Branch, New Jersey and our apartment near the one mile marker on the beach. My mother's heroic journey during the hurricane and our narrow escape.

Chapter II

Life in Tucson, Arizona. Living among the hippies with my parents in a one-room apartment. Tie-dying T-shirts with Breeze. My father's employment digging golf courses. Listening to the rain on the tin roof. Creating my first artwork from junk mail. Living in a trailer in a horse pasture in rural Missouri. Being awakened each morning by horse drool and flies. My mother's fear that I would be trampled. Overcoming the mud. My father's decision to quit playing rock and focus only on classical music. My father's application to the Conservatory of Music.

Chapter III

Moving to State City and living in the inner city. My mother takes a clerical job to support us. My parents buy an old Victorian house for $4,000 from an estate sale. Life in a haunted house. My parents are caught lying about our address so I can attend a public school near my child care center. My parents divorce. I go to live with my mother. My father's remarriage to a suicidal artist who makes me read the Bible by candlelight and teaches me to work in oil pastels. The death of my great-grandfather.

Chapter IV

Starting elementary school at an exclusive, private institution. My mother sets her cap for a rich man. My father's divorce and remarriage to crunchy sculptor who teaches me to throw a pot. I spend a summer with Aunt Viola in Mystic, Connecticut. Long days on the beach. My mother's remarriage. My father's divorce and remarriage to an exotic dancer and art student. The birth of my half-sister. Struggles and successes in school. I am mistaken for a math prodigy.

Chapter V

My mother and step-father buy a house in a nice neighborhood. I switch schools. Taking public transportation to and from school. Catching the city bus in front of a strip bar and meeting prostitutes. The birth of my half-brother. Riding lessons on my great-aunt horse farm. I spy on my grandmother and watch a seance in which she tries to contact her dead father. I rescue my younger cousin from being bitten by a copperhead. Death of my step-father's parents in a car accident.

Chapter VI

My step-uncle gets arrested for possession and sale of drugs while taking me to my grandmother's house, and my first brush with the law. I win third place in the school science fair and first place in the State City Science Fair. I graduate from junior high school.

Chapter VII

A description of my high school career at a private Catholic girls' school. My parents forbid me to take art classes. How I am abruptly moved from remedial English to Honors English my sophomore year. My summers in France. A succession of miserable teen jobs. I am a member of the local sub-culture organization. I become a young socialist. Hoping to leave State City, I apply to twelve colleges and am offered early admission to Bennington College and a large scholarship. My disappointment at my parents' refusal to let me attend. A month on the Navajo Indian Reservation. My high school graduation.

Chapter VIII

Leaving home and moving to Boston. I procure a job wearing a hot dog and handing out fliers downtown. My unhappy matriculation at the young women's college and subsequent transfer to the state university. Moving to Vermont, and life in the commune. A return of much relief to Boston. My work as a buyer for a trendy retail shop.

Chapter IX

I return to State City. I attend, and ultimately graduate from, the University of State City. I hold a variety of minimum wage jobs. An unfortunate marriage. I live briefly in Omaha, Nebraska but return once again to my home town. My success in a vintage clothing business. Finding a job at the university and a happy divorce. Falling in love again and settling down. A series of jobs, each more responsible and respectable. A longing to return to a life filled with more creativity�.

Afterward

This is the table of contents for a book that does not exist and will never be written. It is me having fun with the construct of the great autobiography that tells the story of my the formation of my self as an interior process of reflection on the events of my life. And I hope that it serves the dual role of giving a bit of background about who I am. My online journal is a series of fragments which, over time, I hope will add up to something. As Donald Barthelme wrote and many, many others have quoted, "Fragments are the only form I trust."