paisleypiper's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- last weeks of a great woman My grandmother on my mother's side has been dieing of cancer for the past six years. These are her last weeks after years of surgery and chemotherapy. I visited her last Friday, perhaps for the last time, and have felt extremely somber all weekend. So much of her life is already quieted ... these days she needs a series of sticky notes to keep track of what worries her or information she wants to remember to pass along to someone. Her faith has been supporting her in that she seems also to have some peace with what is happening. She has lived a long life and has suffered many years with multiple cancers. The visit was long -- each minute of the 4 hours I was there felt itself like an hour. She knew there were things she wanted to tell me and yet they were not on the notes and so did not get in the script. Her main thoughts were on worries about who would write the checks to the nursing home for her husband after she passed. And on the cost of everything - was there enough money in the account to cover the extra expense of moving into the care unit. It's distressing that all of the years comes down to worries about money despite my mother's assurance that they have enough. The details are too much -- as my grandmother has her last weeks she is thinking about how much it will cost to get her hair done and the facility bills her $2 for each person who joins her for a meal. I think I expected from a grandmother who has always been so direct more directness in her communication. Stoicism runs in my family and so we show we care by supplying sticky notes and going over the details in detail. We show we care by eating the cabage roll, carots, and maccaroni and tomatoes; by eating the fruit cocktail for desert. Spending time and trying to connect although as she is taken over by pain and exhaustion the connection is more and more forced. It becomes about honoring a tremendous woman and being grateful for her life. I find myself hoping that I remember her as I knew her for 37 years, 3 months and two weeks and not as I knew her on Friday. I hope she finds peace soon and the doctors can continue to manage her pain. 4:34 p.m. - 2006-11-27 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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