paisleypiper's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- we no longer live in time We no longer live in time, we live in space. And everything around us drives time into boxes, packages, corners. The energy of this culture coming down around us, makes it possible to feel close to people we never knew; could never have known. We see the photographs, the way our ancestors stare out at us with eyes that are familiar. Possibly even our own eyes. I want to write a love song for my parents even though they no longer love each other. Because they once loved each other but did not realize how much before life got too complicated for their young years. And for years they each ask me how the other is doing and offer the kind of critique that only comes from caring. After 28 years, they still know how each other can be, will always be �that way.� For my father, my mother will always be the working class Connecticut girl who has a passion for the humanities and Victorian values. The young woman who tried to show him the way to this messy, inconsistent, non-existent space called adulthood. And when I look at her, I see the young woman in the photographs with two braids, a pretty smile and eyes that give her away � she is not just an attractive woman in Talbot�s pants; she is not just a woman who married a man so different from my father and fought for that marriage and their love when she could not fight for my father. Your mother, says my father, is the woman I love the most, still. And I want to go back and try it again. But he can�t For my mother, my father is still just one floor away, every day. He is the consummate underachiever who never took the tough road because he didn�t feel up to the hike. Instead, he opted for the exhaustion of treading water, swimming upstream. All the places without footprints that mocked weight and balance. Too smart for these days, that job, the ordinary life. To unwilling to compromise for himself or for a sense of peace. He stands for dreams to her; she can�t let go. She says I wish something would work out for him. I wish�but never finishes the sentence. Time is all around us but in our hearts it stands still, it blends in with the wind and the clouds. 11:26 p.m. - 2003-02-11 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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