paisleypiper's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- restless I had another long and tiring day at work. And I do not really have anything to write. I�ve been chasing after the Esquire�s demands for reports and rewrites of odd documents written through some sort of group process in which I was not included. Once again, I am doing the Esquire�s work. Life with Stella is continuing to be trying because she is not much of a problem solver. She can get people on the phone and make them do things � a stubbornness that I greatly admire. At the same time, the tendency to want to just act and react is what gets me a bit tired sometimes. But I cannot complain too much because my work life is better post-Stella�. I just spend too much time answering obvious questions, one after the other, in constant, constant interruption. One of my greatest problems in life is this inability to get people on the phone and make things their problem. I absorb too much of the knowledge gap and spend my brain power on figuring it out. I have tried to understand the purchasing procedures at the university. I have read and reread countless instructions in two-inch binders. Still I do not know what to do in any given situation. Because of my lack of knowledge I am unable to train Stella. This should be all right (insert the tired old rose garden thing here) because that is why the position is exempt and pays more than the administrative assistant positions. Stella gets accounting on the phone and says �I have to X and I don�t know how. I need you to tell me what to do.� It makes me remember a fit that a teacher of mine once had at our class. I cannot remember who the teacher was, whether it was in primary, middle or high school, even. But I remember a teacher saying �Think about your question and if you think you can find the answer, then find it. Don�t just ask a question because you do not want to bother discovering the answer.� Well, I don�t remember the whole quote, but this is the gist of the lecture. I�m certain that he or she said �by all means� at some point. Teachers seem more likely to use that phrase than non-teachers, don�t you think? This little speech got into my psyche and I have found myself agreeing with it quite a bit. I work with people and have worked with people who will e-mail me for someone�s phone number and wait for me to answer rather than just look it up in the phone book or on the Internet. I would not be troubled by it if there were some difficulty � whosie from the whatsie org. what is her name again? That would not be annoying because no one wants to call up some company and ask for whosie. So I have been bored and tired, really tired, the past few days. In the past, Quinn has quoted her mother as saying "only boring people are bored." I think about this. But I am bored in my soul kind of bored. Not bored that I cannot find something to do, more, I am longing for mystery and adventure or something. There is nothing to do in this city. I am tired of taking the same pictures at the same places. I keep trying to look differently at the same things. Only one thing of note for the entire day. A day which absolutely did not require my presence. I was feeling like the guy at the end of Barthelme�s �Indian Uprising� with the Clemency Committee asking for my belt and shoelaces as Quinn and I drove down 75th street in the richest county to get dog food. I kept looking up at the sky, at the gorgeous sun setting at the end of this long, suburban street. I watched the sun sink behind the clouds, illuminating the edges of the cloud in a bright light and a dark shadow. The clouds separated the sun�s rays into long fingers, reaching out from the sun in a half circle. It made me think about how inspiring and miraculous all of the forces that �just are� can be in my life. I was relieved to the see that sunset, which is the main reason I do not regret getting out of bed today. Milton is surprising me. I expected a dour Puritan and keep discovering that his spirit and soul. Although I am uncomfortable with the Christian framework in my own life, I find much beyond that in Milton�s poetry. Which is, undoubtedly, why he endures. Here is a sonnet by Milton which I enjoyed. Basically, it reminds us that all work and no joy make Jack a dull boy. Beyond that, even, I think Milton suggests that we need to think about how the delights of life can inspire our lives. It is important to drive away the melancholy of winter with companionship, a bit of food, some wine� XX (also numbered XVII) Lawrence of vertuous Father vertuous Son, A random thought admisdt my tiredness... One of my favorite things in life is to discover that someone defies some stereotype that could easily be assumed about them. For example, this woman down the street is a bit wild and has a pierced nose but keeps the most immaculate lawn of anyone on the street. 10:30 p.m. - 2002-09-17 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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