paisleypiper's Diaryland Diary
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
now that you have your own freezer
Now that you have your own freezer...
"There it is -- your new Kelvinator freezer--handsome as can be in its glistening white Permalux finish and flashing chrome trim.... But if this is your first freezer, you�re probably already asking, 'Where do we go from here?'"
Sometimes I think that I have seen a great deal of stupid things for sale in bizarre stores. I begin to think that there is nothing new to see... perhaps a bit jaded, or perhaps underestimating how bizarre people can be. But I love to go to store that sell things second-, third-, etc, hand. For a while I owned a vintage clothing store, and made such a hobby of searching out the unusual items in remote, unexotic places. In a way, I admire the undercurrent of the merchandise stream. It is fascinating to see stuff that is no longer used, like check-cutting machines. Stuff I don't even know exactly what it is, and have to ask or guess. Sometimes it is fun to invent a whole life that the item used to have... some stuff just tells you and other stuff gives no clues, it is so everyday. It concerns me that today I saw a rusted cheese grater for sale for $3.99. This is a story about the state of the economy and subsequent level of desperation it inspires in many people.
Today I saw, in an old church that was converted into an antiquey cutsy store a license-plate dustpan. In case you cannot envision it, let me just sketch this out for you. There was a thick wooden handle and top-plate, to which, was affixed a folded license plate that formed the actual dustpan portion. The edges were folded at an angle, giving it the feature of a dustpan and distinguishing it from a license-plate scoop. The thick wooden handle and top had rounded, country corners, was pine and not finished very well. Stained too dark. Felt soft. Nothing about this made sense.
When you do not have municipal trash collection, how do you get rid of all of the stuff that just accumulates from life? The challenge is to try to sell it or to morph it into something that a tourist might buy. A license plate dustpan.... The first problem was that the maker of this item forgot the matching brush. People just don't purchase solo dustpans. There are a whole host of problems, such as a lack of depth to collect the dust, rendering the item decorative, but who hangs dustpans about? I won't itemize all of the problems. They are better left to the imagination.
"In order to enjoy your Kelvinator freezer for all its worth, you should have a definite plan to assure most practical and efficient use.... To be of greatest value a freezer should be used on a day-to-day basis and not as a hoarding place. There is no reason to hold foods longer than from one growing season to the next. Families who use their freezers properly, day in and day out, find them as essential to their daily living as their refrigerator or telephone."
Sometimes I try to imagine, when I gaze upon something that is just plain ridiculous, who conceived of that idea? Who took the time to make the item? Who is turning it into merchandise by purchasing it? It isn't merchandise until it is sold... because, really, people will just put price tags on anything just in case someone buys it. So many people are itching to be the next entrepreneur. To spark the next craze... And it happens to random people. All of those wooden ducks and hearts, strange wooden things tied with raffia, large-eyed sentimental figurines. So many people with a few bucks to spend, because that is what people do on vacation. Some big bucks have changed hands over the "stuff" that no one wants a few years later. or maybe even less. Stuff that gets dumped into closets, attics, basements and garages. Stuff that lives again in thrift shops, junk shops and flea markets.
It is hard to negotiate. Imagine a small, wildly fluctuating market. And you put ever bit of old scrap for sale. Quinn and I come along and purchased a stack of booklets from the 1950's about crafts and cooking. My favorite is a user's manual for a fancy new freezer. This afternoon I read this as a conduct manual for a lucky and fortunate wife. And it is amazing the guilt trip the industry is giving the wife about the responsibilities of having a Kelvinator Freezer. The alliance of power is obvious. The book is written for the man, but to the woman. But I digress. I will get my kick out of the book, store a bunch of coded information in my brain, further convinced that so many things written for "women" can be read as conduct manuals, while many things written for men are informational. Quinn will then cut the booklet up and use it in art, coopting fragments of it to say different things. So, our purchase was ultimately about her art, and as such, was completely random. But it confused the anxious market. More strange stuff will go up for sale. But neither one of us will probably never come back here again. This must be how the rusted cheese grater got to be $3.99 or why there bunches of candles for sale with the words "On a scale from 1 to 10, you're the best" on them.
This may also be how we get license plate dustbins.
Remember that song, "Earth to Grandma" by the Ass Ponies?
"Frozen foods must be protected by moisture-vapor-proof packaging to prevent loss of natural flavor, moisture and quality during storage."
I wonder if the advent of the big deluxe freezer helped shift our culture from using exactly what you have to being keeping and savers of stuff. The ability to have clothes that fit the season. To save keepsakes. To relive some distant memory, whether it is yours or a grandparents. I like to wrap my sweaters away in the summer, protect them from the moths, in special bags. I like to have flannel sheets. In fact, I think these things are necessary, in the winter, when I try to avoid over-heating the old, drafty house. I also have some stuff that belonged to my great-grandmother. I cherish her clipped-from-the-newspaper every day collection of poems. And I would love to have a freezer that would hold back the rapid decline of that acidy newsprint. So I am not exactly being critical. More, I am just wondering about the interaction between the first life of merchandise and the next. And somehow, I am thinking that freezers are a good metaphor for the interaction. It could also be that I am enamored by the audacity of the marketing department at the Kelvinator Freezer company. And a bit perplexed. This sort of guide would not be a selling point today. But, I have always known about freezing. It is a technology that feels natural to me. So the book, seems over-the-top, wacky even, when it makes the claim that "Home freezing is easy."
... You'll live like a King! (Or Queen)
5:31 p.m. - 2002-07-08
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------